Saturday, December 1, 2007

Finding my power and reclaiming it

Well it's been a rough week and I haven't written in ages. I haven't had much time for "fun" or for my health this week and in fact I broke down badly on Monday. My diet support group leader sends us SMS messages several times a week to keep us motivated... This Monday she sent a message simply asking "how's it going? are you keeping to the program?" and I replied (I usually do not reply to these messages) "yes, keeping to the program and yet letting myself down, not living up to my own expectations". As soon as I hit the "send" button on my phone, I burst into tears (and I was in the office - NOT a good place to break down!) She immediately called me but I had no time to talk, then she had no time and we tried emailing but Murphy's law kicked in and there was a problem with her email and nothing went through....
I felt very miserable. I did pick myself up, as I always do, and I went on and kept to the program as best I could and I DID lose quite a bit of weight this week BUT I still feel like I am not living up to my own expectations (especially in the sense that I cannot find the time and the energy to exercise).
And then it got me thinking... When I did my homework for the coaching course I am taking we had to answer several "in depth" questions with the technique of the "popping answer" (the first thing that pops into your mind, however absurd or strange it might seem). These are questions that are part of the value identification process and I came up with some very interesting answers and values that derived from them but the most interesting one was a word that never appeared in any of my lists before (we've been doing value identification for a few meetings now in the course). That word was "power". Not physical power but intense energy power. It came through stories of my life I suddenly remembered and it was a reminder of my "weakest link".... my own power. I later confirmed it and worked on it further with my coach.
Ever since I can remember myself, even as a little girl I was a powerful being. I did things other people don't do, I thought differently, I sounded differently... I WAS different (and not in a bad way lol). But I have also noticed along the way, that when unleashed with no boundaries or limits, that power was a fire that burnt everything and everyone in its path. I lost friendships that way, relationships and I taught myself to subdue this power, to hide it. In fact, like the dragon int he legend, I had manged to hide it so well and so deep that I have become a mere dragonfly, forgetting my true power, my true essence and that power all concentrated inside of me started consuming me from inside.
That revelation or insight that came to me this week tells me that it is time to unleash my power again, but this time I need to teach myself moderation. I also came to realize that what I miss most in my life at the moment is quiet. Both physical quiet - actually "hearing no sound" and mental. emotional, energetic quiet. With my hectic schedule it is very hard to find or create this quiet but it is my task for the week to try.

So for the next week I need to do 2 things:
  1. find my power and regain it
  2. create quiet in my life even just for a few moments every day

Saturday, November 17, 2007

So...why dragonfly?

Dragonfly is one of my personal animal totems. When my mother did the animal totem reading for me (using the native American medicine cards) the totem of "within", i.e my core, my essence, who I am, turned out to be.... dragonfly.

This is what the book says about dragonfly:

Dragonfly ...
Breaks illusions,
Brings visions of power,
No need to prove it,
Now is the hour!
Know it, believe it,
Great Spirit intercedes,
Feeding you, blessing you,
Filling all your needs.

Dragonfly medicine is of the dreamtime and the illusionary facade we accept as physical reality. The iridescence of Dragonfly's wings reminds us of colors not found in our everyday experience. Dragonfly's shifting of color, energy, form, and movement explodes into the mind of the observer, bringing vague memories of a time or place where magic reigned.
Some legends say that Dragonfly was once Dragon, and that Dragon had scales like Dragonfly's wings. Dragon was full of wisdom, and flew through the night bringing light with its fiery breath. The breath of Dragon brought forth the art of magic and the illusion of changing form. Then Dragon got caught in its own facade. Coyote tricked Dragon into changing form, and the shape of its new body became like Dragonfly's. In accepting the challenge to prove its power and magical prowess, Dragon lost its power.
Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment, and the communications from the elemental world. This elemental world is made up of the tiny spirits of plants, and of the elements air, earth, fire, and water. In essence, this world is full of nature spirits.
If Dragonfly has flown into your cards today, you may have forgotten to water your plants. On another level, you may need to give thanks to the foods you eat for sustaining your body. On the psychological level, it may be time to break down the illusions you have held that restrict your actions or ideas.
Dragonfly medicine always beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which you need to change. Have you put on too much weight, or have you started to look like a scarecrow? Have you tended to the changes you have wanted to make in your life? If you feel the need for change, call on Dragonfly to guide you through the mists of illusion to the pathway of transformation.
See how you can apply the art of illusion to your present question or situation, and remember that things are never completely as they seem.
(From the book: Medicine Cards - The Discovery of Power Through the Ways of Animals by Jamie Sams & David Carson)

See the card itself here:

So you see, this is the bottom line, I am a Dragon who forgot she's a Dragon... I live in the illusion of being powerless when in fact... I have all the power in the world. The power to dream, to make changes, to help others see through THEIR illusions and break these chains. Now in a time of change in my own life the symbol of the dragonfly is what I need to rely on most, to constantly remind me that I am, in fact, a Dragon.

Read more about dragonfly here:

Friday, November 16, 2007

First post of the Dragonfly tales

Hello dear readers!
I am Elinor and I am from Israel and I just started this blog. I have another blog that hasn't been updated in ages. I decided to start a new blog to go with the new life I am constructing for myself.
What new life, you may ask. Well... I decided the time has come for a major change in my life. A change that will encompass all areas of my life - my career, my health and body image and just about anything and everything else. The reason? I am fed up with it as it is, I am unhappy and I am not doing what is good for ME. I have become so entangled with caring for everyone else around me that I have forgotten to take care of ME, to prioritize things so that I come first. There was no more joy and no more magic in my life and for a person like me, who is less than your average conformist, the mediocrity of my life, my becoming part of "the herd" is a big NO NO.
So time to change! The first thing I did was to look for something to study. I am an eternal student and if I had the funds to study all my life and do nothing else I'd be the happiest person alive. So I found a few courses given at my work place (a university - can't really stay too far from them) and I chose the one that seemed most interesting to me and that potential for a career change later - Coaching. That is Life Coaching.
I have always been a mentor and counselor to everyone around me and it comes naturally to me so I figured I might as well attach a certificate to it, learn a few more tools and make money of it! Ha! simple, right? NOT!!!! As soon as I enrolled, even before the course started, I started doing what I always do when I study something - I started to research! I looked for extra classes, more methods, materials to read about it, forums to post on and I found a wealth of methods and people who are so interesting! I started posting on some forums and very soon confirmed what I had been feeling for a long time - that I need to be coached myself before I do anything with my life!
So I found a great life coach! I love her dearly and I am so grateful for her help until now (and we're just in the middle of the process). Her name is Michal Harari and her English website is: well worth a visit!
In my coaching course we're also undergoing a coaching process so it's like having 2 coaches....actually I have many coaches now as I am also in touch with various, amazing (!!!) coaches from around the world! Through the process I can't really say I learned anything new about me but I have gained clarity and found the courage in me to make real changes.
One such major example is my decision about career paths. At the beginning of the process I thought I should be looking for another job that will pay me a hell of a lot more than I get now and where I will have more chance of promotion, use more of my abilities and skills and be appreciated more. However, my biggest curse is that I simply studied too many things, I have too many skills and I love them all! That makes it so hard to find something interesting. Everything I found was not interesting enough, I was either overqualified for it, or for the more senior position I may be qualified but lack the years of experience people want to see etc. Very quickly I realized that I have to make my own "dream job".... in other words start my own business and mould it in a way that will allow me to make use of all the skills and areas I love most, to do only those things I LOVE to do!
That was an easy thing to decide on:
  • I love training people and teaching - I teach English, computer know how and skills, Internet use and I teach and improve learning skills.
  • I love coaching - I find that more and more every day now.
  • I love writing and I'm good at it! - I have already written a book for someone as a ghostwriter and I started writing my own fantasy book... I am good at writing academic papers and essays and I can edit and rewrite just about any text ....
  • I love doing online research and extract information about anything from anywhere possible. I have been told on more than one occasion that I could be a private detective lol. There is almost no one and nothing I cannot find....
  • And finally.... I am good at translations. Can't say I "love" that one but I am so good and fast at it (been doing it for over 10 years) that I want to include that in my future business as well.

So there you have future business will provide coaching, training and language & information services. How cool is that!

More about this decision and how I am working towards this goal in future posts. After all, I want to use this blog as my journal along the way :)